London Calling

So…on Friday, I got an email from my potential UK manager.  The subject was “Rotation Update – Good to go!!” A wave of relief came over me, and at the same time some amount of doubt stabbed my side and mad me scour the email for more information. By Friday, I had come to a place where I was finally ready to let go and let God and move out of my apartment without any plan (I literally had booked a moving van for Saturday to leave my apartment) for what I would do if this fell through, and yet I still couldn’t believe it could actually be happening. Thankfully, sometimes things do actually pan out the way you imagined! Well, this was not quite the way I imagined – being extremely painful and long and confusing, but you get what I mean…

After talking with a mentor last week, I realized how much I believed that when this opportunity first came up, it was an open door from God. I had just come off a season of getting burnt out, breaking down, and refocusing my life and priorities. I realized that I felt that I was somewhat on hold, waiting for something, something that had to happen before I got on with the rest of my life. I know that sounds dramatic, but I had a palpable sense that I had all these hopes and dreams that weren’t quite ready to happen yet, and that I wasn’t supposed to go chasing after them right away. But what was I waiting for?

It sounds crazy, but I think I was waiting for this! I think this is a chance for me to step away from all the things I do and people I care for and things I find comfortable and take a retreat to rest, grow, and prepare for what’s next.  For those of you that don’t know, I dream to one day own my own bakery here in NYC, a nut-free bakery in particular. And after all the feelings I’ve uncovered and brought to light in my life over the last month or so, I feel even more convicted that this is something I need to do at some point in my life. Maybe that is why I had to go through this frustratingly uncertain season. With my newfound understanding of how important it is to provide safe spaces for people with severe nut allergies and my growing passion to see society become more aware and accommodating to people like me, maybe I can actually make a difference in the world or in people’s lives. Maybe I could inspire the next generation to have more understanding and less fear. Maybe my time in England will give me space to hone my skills and write up my story. Maybe this open door is actually something I’m called to do and not just a fun extended vacation.

I have already started to see some amazing progress in the fact that my workplace took this issue very seriously and is actually implementing changes in order to accommodate my allergies. My manager said that they are seeing how these changes should not be temporary or an exception, but that they should be kept beyond my stay and also shared with the larger organization. The next time someone with severe allergies gets placed for a rotation program, they will have very clear procedures to follow. The next time an employee comes to work for our company, they will be able to look at this as an example. The food industry so often would rather label their packages than actually create controls to make nut-free products. I have to believe that this change is not just for me, it’s like creating imprints in the snow so that the next person can walk a little easier.

And now, here I am preparing to leave for England in exactly 1 week, the latest I’ve ever booked a trip in my life (I’m a planner remember?), and it just happens to be the biggest trip of my life (so far at least!). Talk about getting out of your comfort zone! I’m betting this is just the start…